Meatloaf Recipe
don't @ me
This one may cause a bit of a kerfuffle given that everyone has their own beliefs about the most beloved of protein loaves.
You’ll notice that this is made primarily with pantry/fridge staples and most people’s recipes vary, in my opinion, based on what they almost always have/had in their cabinet/refrigerator. I will do my best to honor a bunch of substitutions. If you learn anything from this though, it’s that there are a lot of ways to meatloaf and very few ways to do it “wrong.” So, don’t be afraid!
Oh, comfort food! Oh, giant almost burger! Oh, most effective vehicle for ketchup and mashed potatoes... Now is your time.
Get that oven started at 350.
Finely chop an onion into a good meatloafian size (small as you like or are comfortable). I have giant onions, so I did about half of one. Mince up some garlic (I went with 2 cloves, but it’s your loaf). Grab a skillet or sauté pan or whatever. Charge the pan (this is just a way of saying: turn on the flame and let the pan get hot before you add oil and start cooking. It will change everything. I promise. You will never go back to cold pans). Sautee until those soften up. Control the flame and do not let your garlic burn. It’s super ucky when it burns. (This is the point in the cooking process when, if you live with other people, they will start to ask what you are cooking because it smells good. Tell them “You’ll eat what I make!”) Set that aside to cool.
We’ve reached the first moment where everyone will have different feelings, which is just further proof that there isn’t a right way to do it. Now, I eyeball this part because it’s comfort food, not a souffle, so all my measurements will be rough. Ok, my mix:
2 eggs + 1 yolk (I don’t even know why I do it like that, so it is probably safe to leave out the extra yolk)
Tablespoonish dried thyme (my ubiquitous herb choice)
teaspoonish Salt
less than that of pepper
a big squeeze of Dijon mustard (Tablespoon?)
about the same amount of Worcester sauce
like two or three tic-tacs worth of hot sauce (or a little cayenne)
half a cup of FULL FAT PLAIN yogurt (some people use whole milk. The one thing most people agree about is that this is not a time for low or fat-free)
Notice that a lot of the things you’ve added already contain salt, which is why you don’t need much.
(other additions: onion powder, garlic powder, chili powder, um… I’ve seen chicken stock, bacon fat, tomato paste… there are just so many options. You know what you like and you know what you have on hand.)
Add to that to 2lbs of ground meat (meat mixes include 1 Beef: 1 Pork or 1 Beef:1/2 Pork:1/2 Veal or 2 Beef. Some people use turkey in there. Other people are gonna have a lot of feelings about chuck vs sirloin, etc. I don’t know. Mine is half ground chuck and half ground pork because that’s the way I do it.)
Here’s another (and maybe the most) controversial moment:
Bread crumbs vs Saltines vs Ritz vs Oats vs Something I saw once about making a weird paste out of saltines and water vs Whatever your family has always done. There is no right answer. For me though, the right answer is Ritz crackers, 15 of them crushed by hand (a little less than a cup). Eat whatever is left in the sleeve.
Throw all that together, with the onions and garlic too, if you have parsley, throw some of that in too. I mix by hand because I LOVE MAKING A MESS. Get in there! If it sticks to your bowl add a little more yogurt or milk until it stops.
Ok, controversial moment number 1,207:
I do not use a loaf pan. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW! I don’t actually own a loaf pan. I don’t like using the loaf pans because I find that it often sort of bubbles over and makes a mess, plus it can be hard to get out of the pan plus, whatever. I AM A FREE SPIRIT!
I free form (meaning, mound the meat into a domed loaf). So, grab a sheet pan with a good lip (cookie sheet or pyrex) and use tinfoil covered in that cooking spray (or sort of rub it with oil) to line the pan. Mostly form the loaf in the bowl and transfer to the greased-up pan. The important thing about this is to keep it fairly uniform so that it cooks evenly.
Then brush it (or sort of glop and smooth) with whatever your glaze is (ketchup, bbq sauce, a mix of ketchup/brown sugar/vinegar aka BBQ sauce, you decide).
Pop that beautiful meat baby into the oven and clean up.
Cooking time will vary depending on the size and shape of your loaf. Assume it’s between 45 min to an hour, or more if you made it real thick. So like, one episode of Tiger King, plus some time to sit and wonder what the fuck you just watched. Feel free to take breaks and add a little more glaze on there and say hello. (“You’re doing great, my loaf! Look at you! You’re a good loaf, aren’t you?!”)
Or, make your sides (my choice: mashed potatoes and brussels sprouts).
This is one of those moments I highly recommend having a meat thermometer because this needs to cook through to about 160 degrees. I don’t really know another way to make sure that it is done. I do know how to tell if it is burnt. Because it will look and smell burnt.
Once it’s at the right temp, cool for about 15min and then scarf away.
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chapter #9
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