Whipped Feta with Parsley and Lemon

if time is a construct, then dip is also salad

things you’ll need: feta, parsley, lemon, heavy cream (or yogurt), olive oil, salt, pepper, cucumbers, radishes, and/or other dippables, and a food processor

dip based entirely on my love for this salad and my newfound love for whipped feta dips

incidentally gluten-free and vegetarian

Chapter 192

All of 2020 was 947 lived days wherein one hour was occasionally ten minutes. That’s just true. Our relationship with time remains tenuous, at best. There has never been enough of it when you need it and there is always an excess on road trips, especially when you have to pee.

Then comes Daylight Saving Time, which seems to exist mostly to confuse us and decrease our need for candles. Noon is supposed to be when the sun is highest in the sky, but how can that be true when noon moves around. When you start to think about it, you are unsure at what point time is real. Then you realize that time is a construct, like race and gender, and you smash all your clocks because who even uses clocks anymore?

Everyone pretends like it’s an hour earlier than it is, even though your body is clearly telling you to go to bed at 730. Also, waking up with an extra hour of sleep for one day does nothing to reverse your disdain for alarm clocks and generally being awake and doing things in the morning.

If we can all pretend that 4:30 is really 3:30, then why can’t dip be a salad if we say so? Is salad just a construct? It’s like that time you realized that apple crisp is just a casserole, which means you can eat it for dinner.

If you have no idea what time it is and you are hungry, you should just dip vegetables and call it lunch. Dip lasts for about 5 actual days in the refrigerator, so it’s easy to keep around and takes very few perceived minutes to make, depending on how many times you stop to taste it (the more you taste, the faster it feels). Unfortunately, washing the food processor may take 4 perceived hours, unless you have a dishwasher or really like doing dishes.

Take a brick of feta and chop it up or dump pre-crumbled feta into the food processor along with the zest from one lemon and one metric fistful of parsley, depending on how much you like parsley (A LOT) and how big your fist is (pretty big). If you don’t like parsley, you can sub dill or whatever you like better.

Add ¼ - ¾ cup of heavy cream or yogurt to every cup of feta, depending on your particular texture desires. Pulse a bit before going into full blend. While blending, drizzle in a few tablespoons of olive oil. Scrape away from the sides, taste, add salt, pepper, and any additional lemon juice or other personal modifications. That’s it.

Gather vegetables for dipping, which you suppose is what makes it a salad, along with pita or crackers or chicken tenders or whatever else you want to dip. When you are done, take a five-minute nap, which is somehow more restful than your whole night’s sleep, as proof that time means nothing.

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